Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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