get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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