They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
