OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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