This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
