Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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