This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
