the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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