I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
