i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
