You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I supernannyed him into submission
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
