Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
