I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
