He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
