So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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