im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
