Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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