Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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