oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
