His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
