I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
