My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
