And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
