The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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