Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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