If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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