I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
