its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
