Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
