Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
