Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
