Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
