Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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