All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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