I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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