do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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