So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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