Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
