Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
