in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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