the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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