I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
