Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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