I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
