I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it glows. i had to have it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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