i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
