It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
