When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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