After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
BRING THE BAGELS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
