I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
