there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
