I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
