the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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