I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
