how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
