I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I intend to get homeless drunk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
