I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize