paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
