I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
